


Knowing

by robertdownerjr



Series: Falsettos Oneshots [6]
Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, Falsettos - Lapine/Finn (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Gen, HIV/AIDS, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Whizzer Brown, Post-Canon, Post-Whizzer Brown's Death, Whizzer Brown's Death, i looked up so much stuff about jewish funerals to write this, it's more likely than you think, me? projecting on to my comfort character?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:27:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29802900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertdownerjr/pseuds/robertdownerjr
Summary: Marvin hated not knowing.But at the moment, it seemed that was all he was capable of.
Relationships: Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Series: Falsettos Oneshots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151291
Comments: 8
Kudos: 11





	Knowing

**Author's Note:**

> so im ✨not doing so great✨ at the moment so i thought what better way to deal with it than projecting onto post-canon marvin  
> i guess this could be read as a sequel to atlas but it can definitely be read on its own

Marvin hated not knowing. He placed so much of his identity on being smart and having the answers, on knowing. But at the moment, not knowing seemed to be all he was capable of.

_As soon as Charlotte exited the room, Marvin turned to face her and lept out of his chair, searching her face for any sign of good news. She slightly shook her head, and Marvin’s resolve crumbled._

_Though neither of them were very affectionate, Marvin ran into her arms, and Charlotte hugged back tightly, the two of them sobbing in the corridor outside of Room 27._

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his son. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen anyone. He was fine with that. No need for anyone to see him right now when he looks and feels like a mess.

_Marvin wasn’t listening as the Rabbi went through the readings. He just stared at the casket blankly, like couldn’t comprehend what he was looking at. He helped carry the wooden box to the hole in the ground and stood as he watched the love of his life being placed into the ground and buried because he couldn't bear to be one of the ones to do it._

He couldn’t think of the last time he’d taken a shower or brushed his teeth. He felt dirty and the smell of his breath bothered him, but the thought of getting up and having to look at the covered mirror in the bathroom bothered him more. He didn’t have to cover it, he wasn’t very religious anyways, but he didn’t think he could bear to look at himself more than the piece of cloth. So the mirror stayed covered.

_He recited the Mourner’s Kaddish though his belief in God had never been as weak as it was now._ If all men get what they deserve, how did Whizzer end up here? _He sat beside the headstone for hours, long after the funeral had ended, but he’d never found his answer._

Marvin didn’t know when the last time he got out of bed was. His limbs were made of concrete and any effort to move them was a Herculean effort. So he sat, wrapped in the blankets but still as cold as ever.

_He'd skipped work for much longer than he was supposed to. His shiva has turned from the usual week into two, which turned into three, and now he had no clue how long it had been. He couldn't bring himself to answer the phone and explain why he was absent for weeks longer than he was supposed to be, so he didn't, and eventually, his job stopped calling._ _He couldn't find it in himself to care._

Marvin didn’t know when or if he would ever be okay again.

Marvin hated not knowing. He placed so much of his identity on being smart and having the answers, on knowing. But at the moment, not knowing seemed to be all he was capable of.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys are feeling better than i am and yall better take care of yourselves or i will start physically manifesting in your house and make you/j <3
> 
> edit: I'm realising i probably don't need the /j there bc i physically can't manifest in your house but I'm gonna leave just in case bc i might be wrong abt how they work


End file.
